Life is like riding a bicycle….to have a balance you must keep on moving

I left my first job at a local NGO in Pokhara in 2008 to pursue my master’s degree in public health (MPH) in Institute of Medicine (IOM); Kathmandu. Had I remained satisfied to my bachelor’s degree; my job in a NGO and my carefree life at Pokhara; I would have never been at the place where I’m today. “A journey of thousand mile begins with a first step” and leaving a job in Pokhara and moving to Kathmandu for master’s degree was my first step in a mile-long journey of life. After completing my MPH I joined one of the most reputed INGO in the field of HIV in the role of program officer with my station in Dhangadi of Kailali district. This was one of the most remarkable milestones in my career. With in three years tenure in this organisation I moved from Dhangadi to Pokhara and then to Kathmandu. In three years of my professional career in this organisation I was amidst a super professional and high performing team constantly monitored and coached by supportive & care taking supervisors. There was nothing to complain despite some overpressure during some day of the week. After three years I decided to move to another organisation. Change is necessary for growth of individual and organisation. I think the desire for change at that time forced me to change this organisation. After this organisation I joined another renowned organisation working globally in the field of child rights and implementing global fund program in Nepal. During five years tenure I got everything a public health professional wants in his career. Delegation of important tasks to me by the supervisors; exposures in the national and international forums; trust on me by my colleagues and opportunity to take lead role in role out of some national level key activities sharpened my public health skills. I was fully satisfied in my role and giving my hundred percent. Despite having everything a public health professional wants sometimes I felt like something was missing. I don’t know why but the inner intuition in me was telling that after working more than ten years in the field on HIV and having so much experience it’s time to search for international job now. Though there was enough in my plate; I still had an appetite for international job. After one year of vigorous search I finally landed in an Australian organisation working in eight countries of Asia Pacific Region. It was like a dream come true for me. My first international job and staying and working outside the country for a long term for the first time. I was super excited. The first few months went very fine. I was with my wife and enjoying the extravagant and lavish life style in the fastly booming city of Asia. My employer is still processing for work visa and I may need to travel back and forth untill this is settled. And this sometimes force me to think “did I make right decision?’. Yes I have made right decision. Change was necessary and I did it. I sometimes relate this to the famous quote “Life is like riding a bicycle. To have a balance you have to keep up moving. If you stand in same place for long you are likely to fall.” Absolutely true…..I have moved for balance. So no regrets………..Standing still in same place for long takes you nowhere.

Moving to New Place

After working for more than three years in a USAID funded project and almost five years in a Global Fund funded project in Nepal; I had made decision that its now time to move on and look for international job. Before making this decision I had tried for PhD desperately in many institutions but I must say luck didn’t favor me and I never got tempting offer for PhD. Though there were some offers for self-funded PhD I didn’t like the idea of going for self-funded PhD by leaving a good paying job back in home. After many unsuccessful attempts for PhD I consoled myself saying international jobs should be the next in pipeline for me. Then I started hunting for the international job. But it was not as easy as I had imagined.

Though there was no any specific preference for international job; I had always wished I could start from one of the Asian countries. Due to the family reason also it was very important for me to shift to any Asian country. After hundreds of applications and a few interviews I was finally offered a place  by a Australian organisation implementing Global Fund  regional grant in Asia Pacific region. I was so desperate for international job that I couldn’t make any comparisons or negotiate with the current or new organisation and made the instant decision. I was determined that I must move on and staying in same place for a long time will bring saturation and some frustration at some point in time. So without any second thought I made decision to move  for new responsibility in a new organisation.

A regional hub of Asia; a city of expats; a fastly booming economy; a city of angels; best destination for students looking for quality education in low price and many more. A city that has everything for everyone. I was super super excited to be living in the city for at least next two years. (Though the contract is for three years my plan is to live in the city for at least two years).

It has been just three months since I moved to new job. In the past three months I had been busy in adjusting myself to the hustling and bustling life of new city. The major things that I did in past three months besides the regular office work are; I moved to an apartment; tried learning a little bit of local language and visited a beach during long weekend. My office is processing work permit and looks like it takes some more days. Otherwise I’m enjoying and having a good time in new city.

आज अचानक..................

आज अचानक दैनिकी साह्रै monotonus भएको अनुभव भयो। लेख्ने पढ्ने बानी त हराएर गएछ । कुनै एउटा समय थियो हरेक हप्ता नयाँ नयाँ पुस्तक पढेर सकाएको हुनै पर्थ्यो मलाई, हरेको दिन सुत्नु भन्दा अगाडि ब्लग मा केही न केही लेखेकै हुनुपर्थ्यो । आज ब्लग हेरेको त , ब्लग मा कुनै लेख नलेखेको पनि दुई बर्ष हुन लागिसकेछ । हैट समय जती सबै फेस्बूक  टुइटर्  र youtube ले खाएछ । सिर्जन्सिलता भन्ने चिज सबै मरेर गएछ । आजकाल ते केही कुरा लेख्न खोज्यो भने पनि हात नै सर्दैन, दिमाग मा केही आउन्दैन । कम्प्युटर को अत्यधिक प्रयोग, जे कुरा पनि गूगल मा खोज्ने बानी र कपि पेस्ट सिन्ड्रोम ले दिमाग त साह्रै बोधो बनाएछ । सधैं यस्तै भयो भने त खत्तम हुन्छ । अब जीवन सैली मा फेरी परिवर्तन गर्नु पर्ने बानी गर्नु पर्ने भो । दैनिकी लाई सिर्जन्सिल बनाउनुपर्छ । हरेक हप्ता नयाँ नयाँ पुस्तक हरु पढ्ने बानी बसाल्नु पर्छ अनी सधैं केही न केही लेखिरहनु पर्छ ।

Positive vs Negative

Every morning I try to get up, there are two forces acting on me. One force (Positive) tries to pull me out of bed and another force that asks me to continue cuddling in bed. Every morning, these two forces fight among themselves for me. The result is usually the positive force wins but sometimes the negative force wins and keeps me in bed in the time when i should have been in track. This negative force got victory over my positive force today and the result.......I was cuddling in bed in the time when I should have been sweating in track.....and regretting latter on.

I think its a regular life event. In each and every step of life there are two forces acting at the same time the positive and negative. If the positive force become stronger you won and if the negative force become stronger you loss. In my opinion all the successful people in the world have made their positive forces strong through regular practice or other different means where as in the unsuccessful people the negative force have become more stronger than the positive force.

To gain victory over the negative force one needs cultivating environment, continuous positive thought, good life habits etc............Gaining victory over the negative force is not any easy task. Though its difficult it is possible and once you gain victory over the negative force you will fell as if you are on the top of world.

Because I run..............

Few months ago when we were out of a very long, terrible and tough meeting Dr Neeta asked me "Sanjeev jee, how can you be so fresh and smiling at the end of such a tough meeting". I hadn't realised that I was looking fresh and was smiling even when my supervisors were shouting at me. After thinking for few minutes.......I realised that I had started running in the morning since last one month and the effects were already started to be seen.................I became excited.

Few weeks latter I was sitting adjacent to Dr Bisika in a meeting and she said me "Sanjeev jee, it seems that you are loosing weight these days. Is it right ?". I just replied "Oh really..." And didn't tell anything in front of her. I said with in myself......."It is because I run....."

Once I was going through some very very difficult times. Yeah....very very hard times.......there were questions related to my performance..........there were serious concerns from the donor that some of the activities that I should have accelerated were moving in a sluggish way. With in my own organization also there were some criticisms regarding performance of my unit. I was surrounded by stress, tensions, matrixes and deadlines.......I had allmost collpased. I was in immense stress and pressure. I had almost forgotten to laugh. Many health problems had started to appear in me and I was about to reach the stage of depression.........Despite all these problems I had never lost the hope and was looking for some positivity. I kept on working hard thinking that someday I could bring changes and could prove those people who were questioning on my performance as wrong. But I was looking for some therapy to keep me surviving on these stress, pressures and burden. And suddenly i found this therapy "Running early in the morning".

In the first few days it was very difficult.....but in few days I was able to manage it. I got up early in the morning.....put on my gears and started to run. I took the help of some blogs by morning runners and started going through some motivatinal videos on youtube. All these strategies helped me to continue running every morning. After running for few months, the winter started and I felt lazy. It was difficult for me to get out of bed early in the chilly morning. I was again back to the stage of lazzyness and again surrounded by the stress and burdens.

Since last one month, I'm again back on track. I have started running early in the morning. This gives me freshness on whole day in my work. All my stress, burdens and pressures are swept away from my body in the form of sweat.......I feel really really very fresh, agile and motivated at the end of half an hour morning run. These days morning run has become a part of daily life.....its no more a daily routine. As I dont have to remember to take breath, I dont have to remember to do morning run after getting up in the morning. This happens automatically................I'm looking forward to continue this morning run till my last breath.

New Year Resolution

New year…….oh its time to make a new resolution…but should I make a new resolution again….. why should I?.....In the past also I had been making new resolutions on every first day of the year but none of them worked….yeah surely they work for very few days in the beginning but ultimately after few weeks or months…..the resolutions are lost and everything will be same……. undoubtly the resolutions help in boosting up ones moral and self esteem…but the problem is it doesn’t last long.

“I will get up early in the morning”, “I will give more time on reading”, “I will update my journal everyday”, “I will do this and that….” All these resolutions get big space in the beginning of every year…..but slowly with the passage of time the priorities get changed and resolutions are lost. So my resolution on this New Year is “Not to make any resolution” but will try to change each and every behavior that is not good.

Though I couldn’t adhere to the resolution I had made in the beginning of 2010, this year had been a wonderful year for me……in the very beginning of the year I finished my post graduation…..I was again back to my professional life after completing my two years of student life. A few consultancy works and my job as a lecturer enhanced my interpersonal skills, writing skills and presentation skills. Through my lecture I was able to keep myself updated. New friends, new relations and new environment were something which I enjoyed very much in the year 2010.

One of the great achievements I achieved in 2010 is that, a dream which I had seen in late 2006 was accomplished….i was able to join an organization which I had always dreamed of….. I was again amidst new, highly dedicated and motivated professional colleagues. Lot of responsibilities and lots of challenges and lots of opportunities ahead………..

But a lot is still to be done, a long way to go, lots of challenges and hurdles to be faced……hope each and everything will be fine and I will always achieving success as usual in 2011 as well………….

Back to blog after a year

I was once addicted to it. It was my hobby, it was my passion and one of my favorite time pass (another favorite time pass was facebooking). At that time I was doing my MPH and I used to have lots of free time…….the college life..it was simply the best…..so one of my daily job after returning from college used to be blogging…….don’t know wh yi gave it up…..but it has been more that a year since I stopped blogging.

At that time it used to have lots of fun through blogging…...i even met with many bloggers and we used to be good friends…though we have never met each other it was like a routine for us to go through each others blog and post the comment……..i don’t know where these friends are now….

Few months back I joined new job…….…..there were lots of deadline and lots of work and never had time to return to blogging……..suddenly last week in a staff retreat I was awarded blogger of the year…....i never expected such award and at a point I felt ashamed as well, because it had already been around a year I had stopped blogging and I was being awarded the blogger of the year… “are they kidding me with this award……” t I asked to myself......I thought..it’s a praise for me to start blogging again……...then I made a commitment that I should start blogging right now….

There are few advantages of blogging…the first and the most important tthing is that blogging is like a auto suggestion for you. Sometimes when you are too sad or to happy then just type a small paragraph and post in a blog. You will feel relax. It is just like capturing the best moment in camera…..another good point in blogging is that if you want to be a successful person in life then you must be a blogger…..ha ha ha…might be funny…but ya its true…..if you read the biographies of the most successful persons in the world they you will find two most common habit in all the successful persons in the world one is the reading habit and the other is writing the daily journal. So everyday before going to bed take a diary and jot down the activities of the day in a narrative way that is a key to success in life……….

Time to rethink by all Public Health Personnels

I have just finished my Masters in Public Health (MPH). When I appeared in the final exam of MPH I have written many times that “Nepal is one of the countries to show highest progress in child mortality reduction, Nepal is likely to meet the MDG target of reduction of child mortality by 2015 and so on”. I have written these lines in good handwriting during the exams so that I may secure good marks. I have reiterated these lines many times in my class presentations and I even read these lines many times in many publications. And after few months when I go for job in any NGO/INGO/Government Organizations and when somebody asks me “What do you know about Child Health status of Nepal?” then again I have to repeat the same false lines that “Nepal is one of the country to show highest progress in Child mortality reduction, Nepal is likely to meet MDG goal of Child mortality reduction……blaw blaw blaw….”. I bet if you randomly draw five books from my cupboard at least in three of them you can read somewhere that Nepal has made huge progress in child mortality reduction.

Oh no………..I’m tired of it. The reality is, Nepal is a country where 150 children die of Diarrhea just in one month. When I share this story to my friend abroad he doesn’t believe it and says “Children dying of diarrhea in this 21st century……..Common guys where are you?” He doesn’t believe me and I have to send him links of news in the web.

I’m Public health personnel in a country where 150 children die in one month just because of diarrhea. And I become very happy on passing MPH in first division…………….shame on myself. If the hundreds of children die of diarrhea does it matter whether I pass or fail MPH, does it matter how much I earn by working in a NGO/INGO, does it matter how much marks I secure in exams. No I haven’t passed. I have failed. All public health graduates in this country have failed. All medical personnel of this country have failed and all paramedics have failed. All NGOs and INGOs have failed, the health system of this country has failed and all UN agencies in Nepal have failed.

Few days ago there was a kidney day and it was celebrated in my college by organizing a programme. There is no any doubt, it is good to raise awareness on people about their kidney, but what is the need of this country? Do we need a Kidney Day or Anti Diarrheal day?
Recently the Prime Minister (PM) himself visited the diarrhea affected areas and promised to give Rs 10,000 for every family who has lost a child due to diarrheas. What a stupid idea again…….? Instead of this if the PM had spent just 10,000 per VDC on raising awareness on diarrhea and provision of clean and safe drinking water just before the beginning of rainy season then all those children would have been saved. But…..who cares……………..this is Nepal and one gets attention here only after one dies and the PM also needs some good stuffs to gain popularity.

But again………………what am I doing to prevent the diarrhea……. Just writing this article and putting blame on others doesn’t solve the problem of diarrhea in Rukum and Jajarkot……….….I need to do something, otherwise even though my academic degree show I passed my exams I will be a failure in real life exams.

Exams are not yet over

Hurray ….the exams are over now. I will be having lots of free time. Now I can chat with friends for hrs and now I can spend hrs on facebook. In last two months my whole daily routines were crashed due to the exams. Neither I could update my blog nor could I chat long with friends….But now……wow…lots of free time……..While I was preparing for the exam I had made a list of to do things…..I can now complete them.

But how were the exams. Leave it man…………you have just completed them…the results will tell. But during the whole exam period one thing always hitted me hard “ ……..had I gone extra mile……had I read little more during the free time…….” I think this happens with all in every exam. You are never satisfied with your preparations……… you always regret in the last hours of preparations. “Why didn’t I go through detail on this chapter when I had lots of free time? Why I went to that party…….instead of that if I had gone through this chapter………? ” So and so……..You regret very much for each and every minutes you wasted. The regret becomes much severe if there comes a question in exam from the chapter you haven’t read thoroughly. You know on which book and on which handout answer of this particular question lies but you don’t know what the answer is. At that moment the only thing you can do by sitting on the exam hall is biting your pen and regretting the time you have wasted.

And another problem that I faced is when you are preparing for exams you feel like watching TV, you feel sleepy immediately after having dinner and you feel like going to movie with friends. And at that time you think if there were no exams………………… And today exams are over and guess what. I don’t feel like sleeping………… “Ajha jhan exam sakiyeko din nindrai lagdaina…….”. What to do…….I don’t have sleeping tablets. A good idea………….I went to my cupboard took out a book of epidemiology then started to read. Guess what happened……..I felt asleep in five minutes……………..A good replacement for sleeping tablet

But are my exams over………….? Oh no…what a silly thought I had. Still I have another six months to work on thesis. I think this will be tougher than my theory exams. Besides……….how can anyone’s exams be over just by appearing on a month long written exams ………….I still have many exams to appear ahead in my life………I will be having exams in each and every moment of my life. There will be someone, somewhere always evaluating me based on my performance, based on my language, based on my communication……so and so. Then how can I say that my exams are over. It was my foolishness to say exams are over……….finally I have reached the conclusion that exams are not yet over……………

Protected Child

“Protected Child” this is a phrase given to me by one of my friends. When she tagged this stamp on me then I thought “Am I really so?” Then I remembered my childhood days. Yes I was really brought up as a protected child. Though I was eldest son I didn’t have to do any household chores. Neither my parents urged me to do so nor did I show any interest on that. Till I was on tenth grade I didn’t know how to light the gas, how to boil water and how to make tea. My grandmother, mother, aunt and sister were always there to cook foods for me, to wash my clothes, to press my dress. I myself was also reserved and introvert. Whenever new guests used to come to our house I used to hide in my study room until they were out of my house. Speaking to new people was one of the most difficult tasks for me.

After I passed SLC I came kathmandu and joined plus two in one of the reputed college. Then my mum also came to kathmandu because my family didn’t want to leave me alone. She was here to do all mine household chores. I requested many time that I was not a child and I want to be independent and want to live alone. I also gave examples of my friends who live alone. But my family was not ready to leave me alone in kathmandu. My college life also passed in the same inert and inactive way. After I passed plus two I was in dilemma about choosing my carrier. There used to be discussions in the house everyday about my future carrier. MBBS, BDS, BE, BSC………..so many options………but not sure which one to choose. But for all the family members the first choice was always medicine. I was not determined to make my carrier in Medicine. With more interest of the family members and little interest of mine I did medical entrance preparation classes and waited for one year. But I never put my whole effort in entrance preparation, that’s the reason why I couldn’t succeed. If I could have studied with full dedication I could have easily achieved that. One of the lessons I learnt in my life from this is that be fully dedicated and make a complete picture of what you wanna be. With no proper carrier counseling and lots of options ahead I was really in dilemma to choose a carrier.

Fortunately I planned to do my Bachelors in Public Health. Till this time I was not sure what actually this field is. I just jumped into it. I appeared in entrance examination and got successful as well. Immediately after the results came there was Dashain and Tihar Vacation, I went Pokhara with two books “You can win” by Shiv Khera and “How to influence people and make friends” by Dale Carnegie. These two books brought lots of changes in me. I followed the principles given by the writers in the books. The books written in simple language are really worth reading. Then I began to plan my future and promised myself that I will be an extrovert and multidimensional.

I don’t know how fast those three years of Bachelors degree passed. The public health, the subject itself was different from other sciences. So once I began my student life as a public health student, it automatically changed my way of thinking and way of behaving with people. I don’t know how it happened but it all happened automatically. I became extrovert, more confident and bold. I was no more a shy and reserved person. I began enjoying the discussions and argument with people. I became interested in what’s going around the world as well. The books (not course books) became my best friends. Besides these there were lots of helpful colleagues around me always. This boosted my confidence. Lots of presentation assignments in class, lots of exposure in the field helped me in further enhancing my presentation and Public speaking skills. The hostel life, window shopping, hanging in the garden and partying every last Friday of the month added more romance to the college life.

And my dear friend now I’m a grown up boy……..

Early to bed................Healthy, Wealthy and Wise.

Oh shit again I forgot that today is Monday and today the class begins at 9:00 AM. Oh my god ! It’s already 8:45 and I’m still in bed. I’m in dilemma should I keep on cuddling in bed and miss my first class or...... No No No……..how can I miss Dr Onta’s class yar…….I should attend it at any cost because if I miss a class it will be very difficult for me to cover up. I’m talking about class………even missing few minutes of his lecture would be a great loss. I hurried to the cupboard, took out my pullover from hanger, put on my Versace jeans. These are the easy outfits. Then I went to the bathroom washed my face and brushed my teeths.

Oh it’s already 9:00 by now Dr Onta must have entered the class and I don’t want to be scolded again for being late. What should I do now ? I can’t rely on "Kantipur Yatayat" because it takes more than thirty miutes to reach the college from here and even not sure whether it will come or not. Even if I walk it will take around 25 minutes at minimum. No No No......…these both are not the good options. I should go on bike………but how do I get the key from dad and what should I tell if he asked me where I was going. I can’t tell him I’m going to college to attend class because if I say so he will surely scold me for sleeping till 8:45 in the morning despite having class at 9:00 am. Oh no….one more lie again............I have to make one more cooked up story again………… “Dad, I have an urgen call from my friend and I have to go to meet him. I will come on noon for launch. I will take the bike please……..” That’s how I get the key. It makes me laugh because my friends tell lie when they have to run from college…but I’m telling lie even to go to college. It’s all due to my nasty habit of sleeping till late in the morning.

Thank’s god the lecture was not yet started when I entered the class at 9:15. Onta sir has just set up his laptop and LCD and was just about to begin the lecture.

I’m one among those stupid fellows who had read many times “Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise” but never practiced. I can work till midnight in the night but getting early in the morning.........No way…………..Now the winter is coming and imagine how pleasant is it to cuddle in the bed till the rays of sun enter the room through the window…………

Oh ! it’s already 12:45 in the midnight and I’m still blogging. I have to go to bed otherwise again I will get up late tomorrow. But why should I worry........tomorrow is not Monday and still I have lots of work on the computer.